So it's come to this. The national conversation about sexual harassment has delved into full-on meaningless mania.
That shouldn't be too much of a surprise. Remember when everyone was obsessed with bullying for about 18 months?
The conversation started legitimately enough. A couple teens had committed suicide in reaction to very aggressive forms of bullying that weren't even really bullying – they were assault. Full stop. They were criminal actions and at the time they happened people downplayed them or looked the other way. Clearly the system had failed these young people and their families.
Yet the narrative quickly spun out of control. Suddenly, we were told, there was bullying everywhere. It was happening all the time. We were all victims. Laws needed to be toughened, committees formed, hundreds of support workers hired.
Everyone wanted their shot at glory so came forward with stories about how someone had once been mean to them or how they had a grumpy boss who didn't say please and thank you every time she wanted a report handed in on time. The answer to these grievances was obvious: Get in line and grow a pair.
It was amazing how low the barriers for entry were for people trying to claim victimhood status alongside deceased youth who had been exposed to horrific treatment. Shameless, really.
But that's the "me first" social media culture we live in. Let's make everything about "me"!
That's where we're at now in the Jian Ghomeshi narrative. It was going well for a while. There were the initial allegations, very serious ones. Then more came forward. Then there was the worry that nothing would be done because the police hadn't been called in yet. That would have been a shame and a lost opportunity for justice to run its course. Then it happened and the police received complaints. So an investigation began. That's a good thing – because serious allegations of a criminal nature need to enter the legal system and anyone found guilty must be held to account.
At that point the public should have cooled down and let the system do its thing. The only genuine way to send a message to people that we won't tolerate this behaviour is to punish the wrongdoers. But instead things sped up at a breakneck pace.
It looks like we're at a point where we're all supposed to think really hard about our past so the next time we're at a dinner party we can lament that we too have been victims of sexual harassment.
OK, fine. Here's mine: Yes, I've had people say inappropriate things to me both at work and in social circles.
Yes, over the years I've been touched by older women and men and I didn't want to be and it pissed me off. Sometimes I told them off for it and sometimes I didn't.
But here's the thing: I'm not crying about it. I'm not a victim. And I'm not about to imply, as some bloggers and tweeters and at least one national TV commentator has done, that having your junk grabbed puts you in the same conversation as someone who has been beaten or raped.
(And let's be honest: People are only coming forward to lament about unwanted attention. Nobody is kvetching about the surprise squeeze from the guy they've had their eye on. I'd like to take this opportunity to brag that I've been unexpectedly touched by a few hotties over the years too. Does that make me a victim of rape culture?)
Some people have come forward to say they were raped by someone they knew. How brave (no sarcasm). Some people have come forward to say there's a guy a few cubicles down who tells dirty jokes. How brave (heavy sarcasm).
That the latter can even think they have something to add to the conversation shows how mind-bogglingly self-centred our culture has become.
What we're actually doing by lumping everything in together like this is making a mockery of the women who have made serious allegations against Ghomeshi.
Just like public discourse did during the bullying mania.
This is why most conversations about bullying and rape culture are a sham. Because it becomes a party and everyone's invited. No grievance is too small.
So while a couple attention seekers dominate the public square with their ridiculous blathering, the real victims are pushed into the corner and forgotten.
If you've been assaulted, call the cops. Please. It matters. You matter. Everyone else? Back off. It's not about you.
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Ghomeshi case not about "you" - Toronto Sun
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